Home

I open the lock of the door
To find the rooms screaming at me;
Walls closing in;
Suffocating the hell out of me.
The ceiling somehow falling;
All my miseries crawling
Out of my veins as I stand there.
My blood boiling to see the view from the window
That opens to a better world than this forsaken floor.
The curtains hiding
All that this place has seen.
Spider-webs at the corner of the ceiling-
Sign of the horrors of this goddamned place.

I hate my home…


// a REAL, REAL personal piece... its actually the way i sometimes feel. I'm actually forced to feel so...the situations force me...

The Nerve

Armored with the passion to hurt myself,
To see myself bleed,
To cover the scars of the harsh blows
Upon which the greedy scavengers did feed.

I cut open this wound
And hit the right nerve,
Which, for so long
Had nothing but empty memories to conserve.

The fragile flow of the blood flowing through these poisoned veins,
Oozing out of these violent slashes;
Exposing my weaknesses to the greedy souls,
Leaving me with nothing but dead ashes.

The sneers, the humiliating laughter;
The torment they’ve had in their spell,
Have ripped up my steel armor;
Driving me more inside of my shell.

Bloodstains in the sink,
Drops all over the floor,
Show nothing, but my fears, (or so to think)
Killing the coward inside all the more.

The continued stabs I’ve received,
Have made me hide behind my wall.
They could hit me in the right spot again.
I fear the thought. I fear it all.

I try to blankly face the attackers,
But the very thought leaves me shocked.
I’m afraid at being stabbed in the heart again.
I’m afraid at again being mocked.

My heart- now turned lead,
Is yearning to let go
This weak soul I’ve held on for too long.
That’d mean killing the real me, though.

Do I need to write on these empty walls
The feelings and confessions before I die?
Or, can anyone figure the reason without seeing the blood?
Can someone at least give it a try?

Actions speak louder than Words

I put on a new face.
They didn't accept me the way I was.
So, I masked myself with this fake smile,
Covering within all my flaws.

Screaming in the middle of a crowded room.
Yet no one hears a slightest sound.
Lungs panting out of breath,
but all efforts are pushed further below ground.

So, if actions speak louder than words,
Then, why do my actions go unheard?

The Acrimonious Prayer of an Atheist

You took me in your arms,
Made me fall prey to your blind-faith,
Filled me with myths of your make-believe,
And left me in my weak, fragile state.

You said I'm destined to find the answers,
in the eternal search of my salvation.
You said I'll be able to find my mind's peace,
Be able to sustain this abstination.

You gave me everything I ever wanted,
Made me begging you for more.
You made me feel completely at home,
and then showed me the door.

You promised to give me all you had in store.
But I dont believe you anymore!

Made of Stone

Yes, I'm alive, still breathing.
So what if I dont smile anymore?
Blood is still running through these veins.
So what if I'm made of stone in the core?

Maybe its because I dont want to.
Maybe I'm plainly tired.
Maybe I'm tired of taking the blame.
Maybe its cos nothing went as I had desired.

So what?

I'm still alive.
This heart beating mildly.
My senses still recovering from your lies.
My body is still bein pricked by the needles
Of your sharp words and cries.

So what if I'm not responding to your calls?
So what if my appearance seems unknown?
So what if I no longer have feelings for you?
So what if I'm made of stone?

Does it matter to you?
At all..?

Quicksand

Here I lie
With a serene smile,
In quicksand.
Watching the sun set,
The light drawing out forever from my day,
Filling the void chambers of my heart with shades of grey.

The more I fight,
The more I drown.
Up there, the tyrant laughs
Wearing his mighty crown.
Did he call me back in his life just to see me die?
I don’t know.
And I don’t care.
I’ll just give in to this quicksand,
Drown myself with a smile.

The winds carrying the cursed words
That he did swear to me;
Resounding in my ears,
Poisoning me to the core;
Destroying my self-confidence even more.

Here I lie
With a serene smile.
Defying all rules of rhymes
In this unnamed poetry of my life.
Surrendering to this quicksand all the while;
Escaping from his tyrant reign.

Did he do what he did to see me in utter pain?
Does he even deserve to be called “Father”?
I don’t know.
And I don’t care.

I’ll just let myself to this quicksand
With a serene smile;
To escape from it all after all this while…

*************************************************
this one's a real personal piece, makes me sad everytime i read it :(

The Shell

I’m not the shell
I’m the thing that’s hidden inside
In the fragile state of mind and being
I cry.
Cry to be set free
Cry to come out of my shell
Cry to be able to wipe my own tears
Cry to be able to face my fears.
But all I do is cry
Never having the courage
To at least give it a try.

Why ain’t I strong enough
To face these daggers?
Why am I compelled to hide
In my self-created darkness?
Why do I have to rest in the arms of security?
Why am I not brave enough to face a single obscurity?

The dead neurotic cells have gone numb.
They’ve had enough than they already should
Hardening to form my armor, my shell
Deafening me from all the yells.

I’m not the shell.
I’m the thing inside.
The thing that’ll live on
To die.

Ever-Growing Concerns (The shortest poem I ever wrote)

If my ever-growing concerns for her makes her repel from me,
Tell me, when should I stop?
If the fact that I’m worried, is the reason for me to be sorry,
Tell me, what have I done wrong?
If the fact that I can’t support her in her wrong path, be the point on which we disagree,
Tell me, which should I drop?
My conscience or my loyalty?


// just a short one i had in mind. it has a certain someone as the reason i wrote this...But its definitely not totally as it sounds in the poem. :)

The Block

When words fail to define me perfect
When my soul cries to be explored,
I let myself in to this inadequacy,
I let my feelings go away untold.

No ideas to click in my empty mind,
No inspiration to drive me beyond my sight,
Not a minute I’ve left this pen and blank sheet.
Still, my mind is more than willing to fight-

Fight this emptiness that has crawled in,
Draining my mind off everything it lives by.
Fighting for its survival and existence
For its wings are cut off, making it impossible to fly.

I’m failing to finish this puzzle.
I can’t find the missing piece.
I’m failing to let poetry flow out of me.
I can’t find my longed-for peace.

This parasitic inability stuck on my spine-
Draining me out of my sane grace.
The passing hours reminding me of my shortcomings-
I can’t find more ways to hate these days.

If this is the way I’m meant to be,
If this is the way things will go on,
I’d better surrender to my inadequacy-
In search of redefining my identity, unborn.

// This piece is about something we all hate from the core of our hearts! :P

Lies! Smiles! Alive!

Quit feeding me with your lies.
Quit faking that smile.
Let me feel alive.

I know every morning you wake up
Regretting that you are with me;
Feeling that your life’s gone astray.
Don’t worry, baby.
I kinda feel the same way.

I know every morning you wake up
Hating that you find me in your bed;
Crying in the inside while sipping your coffee;
Wearing my shirt;
Craving to be set free.

I know every morning you wake up;
That smile you give is not real.
It hides several lies-
Lies that’ll reveal the real “you”;
The stranger in disguise.

Quit feeding me with your lies.
Quit faking that smile.
Let me feel alive.

I never feel the need to dive
In the depths of your mind.
Cos, believe me.
You are not the one I was looking for.
Maybe, together, we were never meant to be.

But even I fake that smile every morning.
Even I cry in the inside while having my coffee.
Even I regret that I’m with you.
So, you see baby?
I kinda have the same point of view.

So keep feeding me with your lies.
Keep faking that smile.
Let me feel alive.

I don’t care…

// Something new I came up with. Just wanted to know what you think of it.. :)

Up in the Sky

Look up in the sky.
That bird has traversed thousands of miles,
Toiling hard for another life,
Toiling hard to build her nest.
Not relaxing until she has achieved her best.
So she can create a perfect home for her little family,
Protecting it from these autumn winds.
Meanwhile, of love and hope this bird sings.
This is one peaceful sight…

Look up in the sky.
That bird has traversed thousands of miles,
Toiling hard for another life,
Toiling hard to feed her child.
Earthworms in the peck of her beak, she wont stop
Until she has satisfied their tiny appetite.
So they can survive these autumn winds.
Meanwhile, of love and hope this bird sings.
This is one peaceful sight…

Look up in the sky.
That bird is toiling hard,
Toiling hard for another life,
Toiling hard to teach them to survive.
Not relaxing until she has taught them,
To spread out their wings in these autumn winds.
So she can die peacefully, assured,
Her little ones will live on, safe and secured.
Its time to fly…

// A pretty weak piece, if you ask me.. just tried to have that positive approach in my works.Not really sure if i got what i wanted. But anyways... there you go.. :) //

Pretty Picture

The pretty picture of the future you painted,
Will never take shape, I’m afraid.
You did allure with all those colors.
But my mind you’ve truly tainted.
Stripping it off all its pride,
To let it decay, crying at the fact
- All aspects of hope have died.

You artistically painted a paradise for me.
But it was just a snare, I guess.
The bird of hope caged in my head,
Has now been set free.
Well, the harshness of the truth has got on my spine.
It’s got me moved and speechless.
Your canvas has lost its shine.

The thought if the future was refreshing.
But now it doesn’t anymore.
The vile attacks of your false trickery,
I’m tired of defending.
The strike of realization is keeping me jaded.
They don’t seem so colorful anymore.
I guess your pretty picture has faded.

Repentance On Birth

It would have been good if you had killed me in the womb.
Instead you tortured me to death.
It would have been good if you had buried my body in your mental catacomb.
Instead, you slowly had me out of breath.

What was the need to raise me?
When you finally had to take the knife?
What was the need to feed me?
When you had to forsake me in my already lonely life?

I never knew the milk I grew up on would later poison me.
It’s got me dying of several pains.
I never knew your tender love would turn to killing spree.
It’s difficult to wash away the stains.

The long, dark, sleepless nights that I had to face,
Repenting on my birth.
Why did you do all those to make me hate you even more?
Why? Why? Why? Why on earth?

You give me birth and then you let me die.
You raise me , then erase the reason of my life.
You make me smile and then you make me cry.
You held my hand so long and then left me in the middle of my strife.

I’m down with these scars and bruises.
They might not wash away.
Maybe the physical bruises will.
But what about the scars in my heart?

Mindless thoughts

I don’t know what’s gotten into me!! Now I ma like this desperate freaked out kind of guy who’s just yearning to WRITE!! And I can’t coz I’m just starting to wither off, I think! L I try and I try… and BAM! No luck at all. I end up writing something so crappy that becomes the reason of my frustration the whole day. Well, I guess I should just take a break, a vacation or something…

I don’t know why… But everyday seems to be the longest days! Suddenly, weekends seem so boring now. I kinda had the most boring weekend this time. Maybe cos I didn’t come up with anything to write on. I don’t know.

The devil is thinking that the Roses are suddenly being paranoid, who seem to get negative radiations from me!! Haha.!! What else does the Rose expect from the devil?? Muahahaha!!!

Flicker

Don’t die.
You are the burning candle facing the wind.
You are the sinking ship amidst the rising tide.
You are down with your fears, veiled by the reality,
That a flicker of fortune can soon light up your life.
You have spent all your life covering your scars,
Your errs, your lies, your deep dark side.
That fear that did glimmer in those salty eyes.

Don’t be sad. Rise up and shine.
Stand up and face that very rising tide.
Walk that road towards peace.
Don’t crib on all those little tantrums thrown in the way.

Stop thinking about what you dread. Play with your fears instead.
Wipe those tears off your face that pose a disgrace.
Overcome those fears in your eyes that speak such lies.
Give those wounded scars some time to heal. You’ll feel
The spirit of the evil residing in you will slowly die.

Get off that desperation. Kill the frustration.
Look beyond your vision that’s shortened by your obscenities.
You do not know what lies ahead of you.
It’s never too late to come to realize.
You cannot live your life twice.
Look up again and bury your past. Don’t repent.
Believe me! Every second of your new life will be worth spent.
Don’t die.

So just make the best of your time, trying to erase all your lies.
Look past your miseries.
Live in a world where even a flicker of hope will suffice.

/ I wrote this while listening to Good Riddance (Time of your Life) by Greenday. My writings always have a negative touch. Writing this seemed new. I just wanted to start the page with a "positive" poem (or so to say) !!

Introduction

Never been into blogging. I never even gave it a thought until recently. Suddenly I had this fleeting urge to express myself, let myself out, or whatever… I like writing a lot. So here you may find all my poems, my thoughts, my writings, and almost everything…
I’m an introvert, and also very lazy. Don’t know if I am very regular with blogging here… Stick around… and you’ll get to know the real person behind me.

So, I hope to see you guys around. I’ll try my level best to keep posting my poems… lately I haven’t written anything good. Maybe I’m losing my touch… I have a stack of poems that can do for the time-being. But later the blogging can come to a pause till I write something readable.. So bear with me...