Blank Screen

Staring at the blank screen,
Trying to find whats behind it.
You search in your memories,
To find me in it.
But I'm not there,
You've erased me out of your mind,
Made it a blank screen,
Walked away, leaving me behind.

Hide yourself inside me,
Look out through the pitch-black darkness,
To find nothing but blankness.
Dead memories erased
from what you found in me:
Your sanity.

Stare at the blank screen
To find yourself in it.
And if your eyes can see through it,
Find me standing behind,
Still seated in your memories,
Still somewhere at the back of your mind.

Defense Mechanism

There you are,
Fortifying your defense mechanism.
Collecting colors through your defences.
Looking through your glass prism.
Filtering shades to hide
yourself in it.

To call it your own,
So you can hide,
Behind the outward illusion you made.
Alone.
So you can hide,
To make me see:
You're off alone.
You dont need me.

There you are.
Rebuilding you defense mechanism.
Destroyed by my friendly overtures.
Collecting bricks from our stoned heart.
Flaming through your brick-kiln.
Casting a roof to hide
yourself under it.

To call it your own,
So you can hide,
Behind the walls you made to stand.
Fully defended.
So you can hide,
To make me see:
You're off alone without me.
You're staying away from me.

But there's nothing I can do
To keep myself from you.

Emotional Fool

This insignificance has got on me.
I cant turn a single head
as I enter the room.
I'm your emotional fool.
Playing cool with what I used to dread.
Or maybe just pretending to play cool.

Playing hide and seek with my tears
You play with me.
You're my puppetteer.
I cry when you pull the strings.
Hold my tears back,
obeying your will.
I'm your emotional fool.
Dressed to please.
Dancing when you want me to.

I dance to your tunes.
Dress myself as and when you want me to.
Draining the blood of the wounds
That I bled
For you.
I'm your emotional fool.
Dancing with the flow.
Still residing inside what you've left dead.
Screaming to let go.

Shattered Dreams.

Brick by brick,
I laid the foundation
Of my dreams, my hopes,
That promised me the world.

Blow by blow,
They got shattered,
Leaving me shocked by the way,
The cards on the table unfurled.

Stranded in this desert in my mind,
There's no water to pacify my burning throat.
The oasis that I see in the horizon,
Is nothing but a false illusion,
Chances of it turning into reality
Being nothing but remote.

Blinded by the curtains that has fell upon my eyes,
I can see nothing but the bluntness of your lies,
That are unbecoming of the truth:
I'm lost.
Lost beyond being found.
Swearing words that I can no longer hear
Till they come back flying around,
To hit me with force,
Burying me in rock-bottom.

But at least I left my mark somewhere,
If not in the wrecked mess of my life...

Well, believe it or not.. this is actually a Christmas gift to The Fragile Rose :P , although its far from being in the festive spirit!! :P

A True Lie

Fragments of my grace that I had willingly thrown.
Trying to hide behind this fake smile that I had sewn.
Killing my conscience when it kept striking by.
For all these years, I have been living a big lie.

A lie that I created,
Thinking it won't be a big deal.
Never keeping facts and fiction seperated.
Dying to make it look somehow real.

A lie that I've held on too strong,
Too much more than my will could ever allow.
A lie I've stretched on for too long,
That its somehow become the truth now.

But no more am I able to play this part,
That has turned me stranger to my own eyes.
No more am I able to carry this heavy secret to heart.
That has made me living a life full of lies.

But I guess this is the way things are gonna be.
Living the lie as if it were true.
The lie you consider to be a mystery.
The truth I've so long kept away from you.

Blocked Senses

I close my eyes,
So I can linger in the darkness
That I can summon at will.
Thinking even the world'll fail to see me,
As I hide in the dark spaces,
Where even light won't ever fill.

I shut my ears,
So I can float in the odd humming within my blocked senses,
Whenever I want to.
Wishing I can escape from the mocking voices,
I get from the world around me.
'Fraid that the fears they keep on reminding me,
Hold true.

I burn my skin,
So I can hide my weak soul
Thats hidden inside.
So no one can see through my burnt flesh and see my world collide,
As my fears vent out in the open.

Trying hard to run away,
But unknowingly taking the fall
For the worse as I fall prey to my own fears.
But I can't seem to escape from it all.

With You

Took your last breath, breathing my name,
wanting to see me before you left.
But I wasn't there to hold you by my side.
I was so out of my mind, I can never forgive myself.
But I couldn't seem to be able to say goodbye.

Head over heels,
I have been for you.
But how I feel,
won't matter to you.
Cos you're not there too see my heart-ache,
For you're no more here with me.
You've gone far away,
To a world I can't possibly call real.

A world that won't welcome me,
However hard I try.
They say its not my time yet.
But I am the one who's willing to die!
Just to be with you...

Blame-Game

The anti-depressants that I take,
The reason why I hyperventillate,
is cos you're never tired
of dumping me with all the blame.
The blame I cannot take,
The blame that has left me in a shape,
that can be anything but the same.
The same way I was, that I knew.
But that wont matter to you.
Cos you never loved me the way I do.
You never cared to see things through,
through all I had to put up with,
just wanting to be with you.
But that was nothing.
Nothing at all.

Nothing you could do could ease the pain,
but it just drove me to the point,
far beyond insane,
than I already had become.
I'm tired of the blame-game,
that has kept you engaged,
Continuously questioning my sanity,
when you were anything, but sane.

What good are your eyes?
If they cant poinyt out the difference
between the truth and your lies.
Lies that you hold true.
Lies that can only keep you alive.

The wax souvenire of our togetherness,
that I had built with my burning hands,
took the least of your concerns,
for you let it melt.
Cos you crossed the thin line, towards disgrace,
And put me with the blame,
that I was the flame,
To burn it all away.

The sweet flavour of your face
as I had known it to be,
is lost.
Lost in the excessive tinge of salt that has made my skin
tasteless to your make-believe.
The false-show you set up,
To fulfil the guidelines of your creed.
The blame-game that never let me grow,
But kept me hidden inside my seed.

Made me believe,
You were with me.
But once I turned the other way,
You engaged in your favourite blame-game.
Nudging me silently from behind
towards my pre-ordained grave.

By those looks, you did deceive
the faintly-lit flame of hope,
that glowed dimly inside me,
Which gave me the warmth I needed.
Which you extinguished by the cold-rush,
of the ivy stings of your accusations and lies,
that did let me freeze inside,
forcing me to die
before my pre-ordained time.

Digging my own grave, alone with salty eyes,
I choose to remain in silence.
Deep in thoughts of all I had to see
that I had to face,
in your presence.
As I go down, I look up with incredulous eyes,
that you've come out of nowhere to bury me alive,
With the sands that'll fill my hollowed self,
Embracing me like no one else,
To make feel whole once again,
To let the merciful angels from heavens descend,
To mark the spot, so they can see,
Where you blamed to death, a soul like me...

// Got to be the longest poem I ever wrote.... I think its crap... Gathered enough courage to post this here..

Baseless Lighthouse

You guided the weak wanderer in me
lost at sea,
Whose ship had sunk long time back,
Comforted me, Invaded me,
gave me the light I seemed to lack.

But where would you guide me through,
when there's no land for me to take refuge?

So what did you show me the light for?
To reveal my misery, fighting the waves,
while I was the lone survivor, trying to figure
if this vast sea was going to be my desolate grave,
And you could throw light on my burial,
be part of my memorial,
Where no one else would be there .

Giving me that blinding beam of light,
guiding me to the nearby nowhere,
for there's no land for me to take refuge.

// Just one of my 3 am poems , when all of a sudden I woke up in the middle of the night, writing the whole thing up. :)

Duality

You are the flame I die to keep alive and burning
You are the earth that stabilises my yearning
You are the wind I've trapped to dry my tears away
You are the water I try to hold in my hand to keep my life's drought at bay

You are the sun that fills the dark corners of my room with sunshine
Reminding me of everything in the world that can be mine
It's the corners of my room where I hide
But it's your light that makes me visible to the outside

I am the rock that chains you to the bottom of the sea
Stopping you from breathing until all you see is me
Forcing you to face the dark floor of the ocean
Making you drink my toxic, deadly potion

I am the shooting star that makes you wish with hopeful eyes
But I fall down to nowhere, changing your wishes to nothing but fake lies
You are the reflected moon in the lake to lift my slumbering soul up high
Giving me everything you can, despite all rules that you defy

You are the dried up maple leaf that falls down to collect my tears
But I am the rope that forces you to enter your fears
That you are everything good to me but I'm the one who brings you down
I am the bandit who makes you surrender your crown

You are a sacred book I carry with me at all times
But I slam you closed once you stop confessing my crimes
Here's the way our lives are goin, struck by this harsh duality
But there's a difference between you and me, for I lack morality

// So, this one up here is another collaborated work between me and The Fragile Rose . This one is the second so far.. Suddenly we started writing this while chatting!! :P .. We sure had a crazy time - me getting disconnected from my stupid net all the time- But somehow we went through all that... and .... There it is... :)

Crepe-paper Wings

Soaked in the blood of your stabs,
My crepe-paper wings won't fly.
They've got heavy with the weight
of blood, dust and guilt,
that they've carried too long,
Flying over the little kingdom I had built;
The kingdom you conquered;
The kingdom you destroyed;
The kingdom that's no more...

You kept pretending to be happy for for me,
Encouraged the gift of my flight.
But underneath, you cursed your fate
and threw stones at me at the brink of my height,
You had no right to destroy that you could never create.
My crepe-paper wings were torn apart.
I was falling under the gravity of your envy
that had so well played its part.
I was falling down to the wrecked kingdom of mine;
The kingdom you slaughtered;
The kingdom you seized;
The kingdom that's no more mine...

I had promised you I'll be flying miles around
to bring you everything in my might.
But your disbelief has got me rooted to the ground.
Your disbelief did cut off the agents of my flight.

There they are,
left to rot and decay
in the dismay of having been cut off
from their owner who created them.

My crepe-paper wings I made to help me touch the sky.
The crepe-paper wings you cut off for your envy,
For they were mine...

But I am

I'm holding on to you.
This storm is much more than I can take.
So please, don't let go.
These winds are blowing my smile away.
It's been quite a while
since I have been counting on you now.

I don't know the reason behind this.
I don't know how.
But I am...

Been long since I thought of myself
in a photograph without you.
Long since I knew how it felt
to be all alone.
I guess I'm just addicted with the feeling
of having you around in my life.

I don't know the reason.
I don't know why.
But I am...

These illusions that you draw up
tell me that you'll go away.
Give me one good reason for you not to escape
and I'll do whatever it takes.
I'm afraid I cant survive this harsh fray
if I'm not holding on to you.

I don't know the reason.
I don't know why.
But I am...

Overdosed Realizations

They took my hand
Taught me how to live,
Taught me how to feel alive,
Gave me guidelines to live by,
Gave me the wings to fly,
But left me in ashes.

They made me wear the crown of their make-believe,
Played around with my vulnerability,
Gave me the chemical that my virgin blood had never tasted,
Although they knew the drug would keep me all wasted,
leaving me all in ashes.

They carved out a totally new person,
from who I already was.
I looked at the mirror,
and failed to perceive who the stranger was.
Living by the drug that now my poisoned blood craves,
hating the insides of me that they have depraved,
I'm nowhere but in ashes.