Not Your Suicide

Cut yourself a vein.
Your only way
To run away
From the shame
That’s not even yours.

See the flow of red
On the floor below
As your eyes drowse to darkness.
Your only way
To free you from yourself.

You’re not gonna die
But live through the pain
Not more than the one
To drive you to your exteme.
See the blade’s edge
Tainted with what you called
Betrayal.
Your insides burning up
Drawing hallucinations in your head
Seeking your revenge
From yourself.

One full flashback of memories,
That could last a lifetime
In seconds.

When your eyes finally take the fall,
While the pain grows up on you
In seconds.

Whatever you do,
You’re not gonna die anyway.

Its not your suicide
It’s a new beginning…

Wrong Side of the Road

Something hit me the other day
Everything had an added shade.
A shade that I'd never seen,
or maybe even never dreamed.

Pictured myself to be on the wrong side
of the most normal things.
All odds set against me
I'm running to break free.

Hate how it feels
to drive
on the Wrong Side
of the Road.
Tire-tracks on the melting asphalt,
Tattooed forevermore.

Not brave enough,
to cross the road,
wearing a blind-fold.
To be run over to be seen,
Not breathing anymore.

Thank You For Not Believing

Its like set in stone,
What I do
is never enough.

Wondering
What I did wrong,
to hit the wrong spot
All The Time.

Wondering
If there ever was something I did,
That didn't really hurt your fragile soul,

That you concluded,
I enjoyed doing it,
Watching you fall defeated.

Thank you.

Thank you for making me realize,
My actions were never right.
For making me understand,
my most insignificant words
can come out as loud and clear
To rip off your ego apart.

Thank you for not believing
In me...

Tell Myself I'm Living Life

I tell myself I’m living life,
Pretending it’s a “feel-good” ride,
Stealing glances away from all lies.

Pretending it never happened
That it never existed,
That I’m starting all over
From where I left off.

Evading all concerns-
So superficial.
With a smile on my face-
So artificial.
I could never forget the times
When I felt happy
Being Invisible.

I was all but nothing
Nothing in the game.
Just the last piece standing,
Left to lose,
In the hands of you.

It was my own, after all
However it was.
Doesn’t matter now,
I’ve lost the cause.
It holds my name no more
A part of me wounded,
That’ll never restore.

I tell myself I’m living life…

Wishing it never happened…


// Another of my emotionally close pieces. These really mean a lot to me. Seemed some moments ago that I was relaxed, when I got another "chapter" of my life to deal with. Just trying to drift away from it all, constantly telling myself, "Its okay". Dunno how long will that continue to be so, that is..... =/

Invisible

Never wanted,
Wanted only to be pushed
Over from behind.
Only to fall after I’ve played my part,
I rise all over again
Doing it all from the start.

When nobody sees me,
Nobody cares,
I’m happy.

None to bother to break me apart
That’s still due on recovering.

Never heard out,
Heard only to be laughed at,
Sneer behind my back,
Only to fall after I’ve let it all out of me,
I become silent in constant wonder,
How insignificant I can be.

When nobody hears my screams,
Nobody cares,
I’m happy.

None to bother to break me apart,
That’s still due on recovering.

Insignificant,
Invisible,
Things I’ll never grow out of,
What I’ll always be,
But I’m not complaining,
I’m still happy.

Still wishing,
Never to be seen.

// I HAD to vent out. There was nothing else I could do. Maybe I have a problem that I cant really explain. I just cant seem to even "try" to set things right. All i do is to let it have an effect on me, make myself suffer, even for someone else's actions. Maybe I AM the one to blame here.... I really dunno.

The Highest Bid Wins

"Weird how sometimes people around us can "sell their beliefs" in need to fulfill their desires and greed. But whats even worse and hypocritical is that we let it all happen even though we don't approve of it. How we can see and calculate our gains from someone else's losses is really a flaw we all need to get out of- let it rub off in time. But what if we never grow out of it?

What if we unknowingly remain to be hypocrites, having opinions of our own, which we can never execute?"

The Highest Bid Wins

Seated in your high chair,
Looking over buyers of your soul.
In the web of trading is split,
in parts of what remained whole.

Its your set-up show,
Where you sell your beliefs,
You auction your soul.

The Highest bid wins.

Letting go of what you've
nurtured all your life.
You've taken a step way too far.
When desire has outplayed passions.
When you sell them all in the darkest hour.

Outpouring bids made to call,
when all contradicting reasons fail.
You're robbed of your own face.
Your soul is on sale.

Its your set-up show,
Where you sell your beliefs,
You auction your soul.

The highest bid wins.

Behind those masked bidders,
maybe even I'm there.
Trying to save up
One charred fragment of you,
that's better left stored,
When giving up is all you do.

But even the smallest fraction of that raped soul,
I cant afford.

The Highest Bid Will Win...

Silly Questions

I keep asking myself
Silly Questions;
Expecting a wiser answer.

Insignificant existence stuck in my spine,
Do I really care to let it go?
Let the disease rub off in time,
Or do I let it all contagiously grow?

Watching through the broken
Shards of Glass,
Do I stop the bleeding of my veins?
Or do I let it all be,
Unchanged?

I keep asking myself
Silly Questions,
Expecting a wiser answer.

When no one knows the answer,
But me.

Yet I don't...


I don't like the way it turned out. But at least I got something after about 2 freaking months!!